Juju is the new Karma

As I was walking down the stairwell early on January 2nd, I noticed something on the stairs. Assured that it wasn’t feces, I took a closer look and realized it was a case of some sort.  My first thought it was a needle case for heroin because CITY LIVING.

It was a wallet so stuffed with cash that it couldn’t even be closed fully.

WHAT. Or rather WUT.

It would have been easy to grab the cash and throw out the wallet, but A) That is shitty B) That is shitty C) That is inviting a MOUNTAIN of BAD JUJU, and so early in the year.

If I had lost that wallet, I would be devastated.  The only people who carry that much cash are strippers, drug dealers and restaurant staff. And fobs.  Either way it was wages from a night of work, so I fished out the ID and messaged the girl on Facebook. (Side note: In October 2013, she dropped her phone in a pitcher of Bud Light).  She came by the apartment and according to my roommate deemed me “an Angel”.

I didn’t do it for the accolades.

I did it because of the Juju. While juju actually refers specifically to objects that are used superstitiously, juju has become more of a description of deeds.  To me, Juju is a multi-purpose word.

But Juju is not Karma.

Karma is a difficult concept to define.   It is difficult to define because there are so many different views on what it actually means.  In White People culture, it means if something bad happens to someone you don’t like, karma is at work.

Sorry bro, that’s not how it works. Because bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.

Juju to me is so much more different.  It is mysterious and how it flows is unknown. One thing I do know for certain is that bad juju is unshakeable. And juju is not just a result of your actions, it can radiate from people. And yes I know, I’ve said “That girl has bad juju” instead of saying “That girl is an insufferable twit”, but the shoe still fits.

While I like to think I’m a rational person, I am as superstitious as an old Egyptian biddy. In Arab cultures, the power of the “evil eye” or “ayn al hasud” (eye of the envious) is universally feared.  It’s the belief that some people have such envy so strong that they’re able to bring harm to the object of their envy.

Whenever something happens to my hair or I get injured, I’m always sending a fervorous  text to my sister or Sarah screaming “AYYYYYYYYYN”. This envious eye brings bad juju and those who are the recipients and those who choose to bestow it. This is why jealous people are never happy and why you should not be around people who cannot be happy for your good fortune.

And while juju is mysterious and how it works is unknown, good actions build good juju and you can never have enough good juju.

But what isn’t mysterious is that good actions build good character which attracts good people.  Bring the good juju on.

The Theory of Finite Fucks

The most fucks you will ever have to give in the year will be at 5 PM on January 1st.

It is why I had absolutely no qualms about walking into a cafe at 2 PM with a half eaten doughnut for a cup of coffee today. And also why I had no problem when a complete stranger pushed my hair away because it was about to get in my doughnut. I’m just now realizing how strange that was, but only because it is 7 PM on January 1st.

At the beginning of the year, everyone has a finite number of fucks to give. January is the month where everyone gives the most fucks they will ever give. Everyone cares about EVERYTHING, just burning through their fucks to give.

However, sometime between the middle and end of January, most begin to realize that there are some things that they just simply cannot afford to give a fuck about.

New Years Eve is so awful because everyone gives zero fucks.  The two fucks you have to give are used getting ready for your evening activities. By the time you roll up to the party, you’re operating at zero fucks, so you’re drinking like YOU WANT TO DIE.

Discourse is important to any well formed theory.  While I think this theory is solid, I believe it can benefit from lively discussion for example…

The Influx of Fucks

At some points during the year you give more fucks. This can be brought on by a significant event such as a new job. The question is are giving more of the fucks you hold, or has there been an influx in your bank of fucks?

Glut of Fucks

What about drama on New Years Eve? This is caused by a glut of fucks — someone cares too much about too little. They’re trying to burn through excess fucks with crazy abandon.

How many fucks do you have to give?

Do women give more fucks than men? Does a college degree mean you’re full of fucks to give? Do offspring mean you have more fucks to give, or are they being diverted from other areas of your life?

At some time during the future, I would like to collect data on this, but this involves participation on your part. Frankly, I’m hoping someone will give a fuck.